Ways To Bribe Your Friends to Help You Move That Aren’t Pizza or Beer
Throughout the history of man, the herstory of women and theystory of us all, people have gotten by with a little help from our friends. But the rugged individualism of modernity has displaced our innate desire to uplift our communities through unrewarded acts of service. Now it’s all, “what’s in it for me,” and whether you’re a corporate manager or just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him for help with moving, the answer is usually: pizza and beer.
While delicious, pizza and beer have become played out as a method of compensating labor. And let’s face it – your friends aren’t just going to help you for free. If you’re DIYing your move, it’s time to up the bribe game on your moving assistance.
Get by with a little help from your friends by employing these fresh and effective bribery tactics.
Entitle Them to Financial Compensation
If your friends are helping you move, they may be entitled to financial compensation in the form of a gift card to a place of their choosing. When you need help moving boxes, you’re either going to pay a local moving company or ruin your own life doing it yourself. So why not pay someone you love less than what you’d pay a professional who has the training and experience to do a better job?
In many ways, gift cards are the new pizza and beer. Everyone loves them, but unlike pizza they’re naturally gluten and dairy free. Gift cards are less awkward than cash and make you look thoughtful. Tell them you’ll give them a gift card to anywhere they like if they help you move. Throw down $50 to $100 bucks, depending on your financial situation and how hesitant your friend seems.
Barter With Goods and Services.
But wait, what even is money? Money is but a concept: symbolic value, an invention by man, a thing you don’t have very much of for some reason. Before currency, people bartered for the things they needed. Take a cue from the past and trade your own possessions, skills or precious time for their moving help.
Have a TV? Give them the TV. Do they want to paint their living room? Guess what, you’ll paint that living room. Are you one of the many Minnesotans with a passion for woodworking? Make them a dang table. Are they profoundly lonely after their breakup which was 7 months ago and they should be over it by now? Offer to dress them up, take them out and be their wing man.
If they say no, do you really even want to be friends?
Casually Reference the Dark Secret That Would Ruin Them Should It Ever Come Out
Moving is hard: it’s physically taxing, you need moving boxes and supplies and you have to budget not only time but money. If you can’t find an affordable moving company near you, bribing your friends is the only option. When gift cards and bartering feel like a mental or financial burden you simply can’t muster, just remember that manipulation is free.
The objective challenges of moving justify exploiting a friend’s shame to your own gain. Try something like this:
You: Hey Jenny, remember when you made out with that Croatian surf instructor at your bachelorette party? Lol, I just thought of that for some reason, haha. Oh btw, are you free on September 1st? I need help moving.
Jenny: Oh yeah I’m totally free!
You’re not making an overt threat, but simply placing their dark secret and your request in the same space of your friend’s mind. They’ll either agree to help in order to prevent you from blowing up their marriage to Brad, or they’ll feel indebted to your discretion.
Get Help Moving the Ethical Way with Banana Box
Feeling a little grimey about bribing your friends? That’s completely fair. Good thing there’s an ethical way to move that is 100% bribe-free and eco-friendly to boot. Banana Box rents moving boxes and supplies and can connect you with affordable moving companies near you to get the job done. With free delivery and pickup services, you get the moving boxes you need without having to beg Justin to drive you around finding flimsy cardboard ones. All you have to do is tell us what you need and where you need us to be.
Make moving easier and more affordable with a Minneapolis moving company that values your friendships. Schedule your move with Banana Box online or over the phone at (612) 979-5137.